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Blank Made Simple

Made simple. How many times have you reared your ugly head in copywriting, marketing and lazy branding?

Just today, by looking around the web, I can tell you there’s a marketing company called MadeSimple. A reality show called Home Made Simple. A video by the guardian called Bitcoin made simple. A content management system called CMS Made Simple. Dog food called Raw Made Simple. Punctuation Made Simple. Web design made simple. WordPress made simple. House made simple. Travel made simple. Wardrobes. Volatility. Digital. Purity.

And even Church Insurance Made Simple.

I’ve had enough. The list goes on ad nausea.

If you’re thinking about what to call your product, how to market it to masses, just stop. Don’t use these words.

You might think it “simplifies” your message. Or maybe it conveys the essence of your product in two easy words.

What you’re actually doing is being a lazy bastard like everyone else.

[Blank] made simple is not only over-used and lazy, it’s also terrible, and using it in your marketing copy makes you a terrible person.

It’s a vernacular transgression. Word-based sin. It’s awful and meaningless and should condemn your product to the fiery hells of bad marketing.

Think about it.What are you conveying with “volatility made simple” or “purity made simple”? What do either of these actually mean?

“You know, it means our facial cleanser is simpler than all the other complicated ones.”

Oh yeah? How so? What makes yours so simple and magical and different? Does it fly out of the bottle and apply itself or do you have to put some on your hands and rub it on your face like everyone else?

What about Church insurance made simple? Are all those other bastards mucking it up for everyone with their over-complicated, mechanical, soulless church insurance policies?

How many people on earth even need church insurance to be made simple? Where are the masses crying out, cursing the skies because insuring their church is just too damn complicated?

The worst part it, “made simple-ism” isn’t going to go away anytime soon.

Every day new products, new websites, new crappy brands emerge from the either and demand lazy ad copy. The people behind them will hire some marketing agency made simple, get the same regurgitated copy as everyone else, and pat themselves on the back while giggling about how clever they are.

If you’re one of the bastards writing this type of copy. Just stop. Please. For the love of good words and better phrases.

Categories
Updates Writing

New and upcoming publications

It’s been a busy (but very good) Fall so far.

Thanks to my insatiable urge to keep writing even when it hurts / haven’t slept / keep feeling I probably have better things I should be doing with my life, I’ve been churning out a few (halfway) decent stories that got picked up.

My horror story “Old Mamgu!” about a terrifying house and the things that live inside it (set in rural New Brunswick) was picked up by Aphotic Realm for their upcoming “Banished!” volume (slated for november 2017)

My horror flash fiction “Say My Name” which I wrote for The Haberdasher Monster Mash Slash Fiction contest was one of the three winners, and published on their website. (Along with a piece from Jocelyn Baxter – making it the second time this Fall where our pieces are appearing alongside in a horror publication – the other being in Banished!)

An older piece of sci-fi that I wrote last year and then recently work-shopped, “Out with the Old, in with the New” was picked up by Australia’s longstanding Antipodean SF. It should be appearing in issue 235 (they’re currently at 232). It will also be published in podcast format whereby this author does his best shot at narrating the tale.

My prose poetry / micro story “With Extra Toppings, Please” has also just appeared in the always wonderful Right Hand Pointing (volume 116). It’s the second micro piece they picked up, previously having taken “Mephistopheles” back in March for volume 108.

The yearly total, so far, is looking like 10 publications since Jan 2017. Wonder if I can hit that magical 12 or roughly “a story a month.” Though sleep and binge watching all the television I’ve missed both have a certain appeal at this point.

Categories
Updates Writing

He’s been published again.

A piece of poetry I wrote last year (and then modified), and submitted earlier this one, has also just been picked up and published. Who would have ever figured that one out? I have to admit, it’s a pretty nerdy literary piece.

Be sure to check out “Mephistopheles” in Right Hand Pointing.